| Home
What's New
Links
Contact
Issue 1
Issue 2
About
Guest Book
|
|
|
Patrick Bateman at the Movies
Our favourite American Psycho reviews the latest releases...
Patrick Bateman's Day Off
Wretched upwardly mobile lunatic Patrick Bateman's up to graduate in the fall, but for
the moment he's having the day off sick ("the secret is bloody palms, I know it's a little
messy, but so is school when you fill your satchel with surgical implements and power
tools"). With his best friend Cameron, for whom he was a wordless contempt, and
girlfriend Elizabeth, who he'd marry just to be able to see the blood from her sexually
inflicted wounds pour out over her bright white wedding dress, Patrick enjoys the thrills
of downtown while intermittently turning to the camera for a monologue, only to pull
unidentified intestines out from his pockets and balefully chew on them while looking
with angry pleading into the camera.
Patrick Bateman's Christmas Carol
Work phobic financial charlatan Patrick Bateman usually celebrates his Christmas by
buying orphans from the local poorhouse and sawing their legs off in order to use them
to play a macabre game of croquet with monkey skulls and the bones of rickets
sufferers. This year he's in for a shock! He's visited by three ghosts who scare him
into consuming an improbable quantity of Xanax before luring the children of his
overworked underpaid PA Bob Cratchet to his flat with promises of Christmas largesses
only to ritualistically rape the unsuspecting youngsters and eat their lips.
Titanic
Rich effete corporate schill Patrick Bateman's aboard for the Titanic's maiden voyage
with his lovely fiancee. Spending his days stalking steerage pushing hapless Irish
paupers out of open portholes while laughing hollowly until burning tears run down his
cheeks causing him to need to rape children to calm down, Patrick discovers that his
wife is conducting a clandestine affair with a disease ridden mick bastard by the name
of Jack. While he puts pins into the captain's wifes face and thinks what to do to the
bog trotting wannabe corpse, the ship sinks. Relishing the chance to die and end the
tightly wound blood clot that is his life, he goes down with the ship while dispassionately
holding Jack's head under water until his childlike cries cease and his cold blue body
becomes limp as his fiancee looks on screaming, totally oblivious to the fact that it was
her whorish perfidery that doomed Jack and very soon her to their slightly premature
watery grave
|
|
|
